Hey Guys! So I decided to do my research paper on "How the Media Influences Underage Drinking." Here is my thesis statement:
Due to the influence of the media in advertisements, magazines, television, and movies, thousands of American adolescents and teenagers under 21, take their first drink of an alcoholic beverage every year.
Let me know what you think!
-Ashley Epperson
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Grammatically, take out the comma between 21 and take. Maybe the argument would be improved if you found a statistic to show that thousands of adolescents drink before the age of 21. If you find a statistic from a well reputed source, your argument would be stronger. Interesting topic!
ReplyDelete-S. Rochester
this is a good topic, and i think your thesis is strong. kudos.
ReplyDeleteI remember in class that Candace said not to use "due to the fact." I'm not sure if you're opening line would be considered doing this but just wanted to let you be aware of it. Besides that, I like the subject of your thesis and I'd like to see some more of the statistics of it. Also, maybe you could talk about how/where they take their first drink. Good job tho!
ReplyDeleteGreat topic to address. I bet you will be able to find a lot of information about this topic too. Your thesis statement is really good too. I think it posses everything that was talked about.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really strong thesis, I do agree that a specific number would give it some more credibility though. I definitely think you will be able to find a lot of good research for this topic, good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis topic seems entirely too broad. You should probably do the web bubble exercise that we did in class. Talking about so many different things-advertisements, magazines, television, movies, adolescents, teenagers, and young adults-will only hinder your paper. Although it seems like talking about all of these will give you a lot of material, it will actually lead to an underdeveloped and poorly organized academic paper.
ReplyDeleteYour argument is also too broad. In your paper, you plan to blame the media for the drinking habits of anyone under the age of twenty-one. Watch out for fallacies. I definitely see one in your argument. The media contributes to the sale of alcohol, but it is The Cause of drinking in this age bracket? Probably not.
Start over. Rethink your topic and thesis and post it again.
-Candace
You can post your reworked topic and thesis with your proposal.
ReplyDelete-Candace