Topic: the extent to which media, including print, televisions, movies, etc., affects teenagers in regards to underage drinking and partying.
Thesis: One’s teenage years are a rite of passage to grow and develop into a mature adult ready to enter the world and make decisions. There are reasons the United States has defined ages until a child can vote, buy tobacco, or consume alcohol. Drinking alcohol can be a very dramatic, life changing choice, leading to accidents, addictions, death, health problems, and criminal issues. Over the years, the media, through print, television, and movies, has drastically developed into means of affecting and influencing teens, at very young ages.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This is a really good topic, but I think that you should find a way to combine all of those sentences in a more effective way. Instead of sounding like a thesis statement, it sounds like your introduction paragraph.
ReplyDeletei agree with the first comment and i like the topic. maybe narrow down some of the stuff into less points.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great topic. I think that you should make your thesis shorter. The thesis is great but just try to combine and shorten your sentences.
ReplyDeleteI like the angle of this thesis. Maybe you could narrow down the effects of drinking alcohol or put something more general. I really like your first sentence. I did my visual rhetoric on this subject and fyi - television can have a huge impact.
ReplyDeleteYou have a very solid topic, and you present some great ideas in your thesis statement. However, I think you need to cut down some on your thesis statement. Just figure out a way to cut out some of the unnecessary information, and make it a little bit shorter.
ReplyDeleteGreat comments. Collin, where is your thesis statement? If you don't know how to do one, you should check your books.
ReplyDeleteThis topic seems entirely too broad. You should probably do the web bubble exercise that we did in class. Talking about so many different things-print, television, movies (which includes advertisements, art, magazines, newspapers, shows, etc.)-will only hinder your paper. Although it seems like talking about all of these will give you a lot of material, it will actually lead to an underdeveloped and poorly organized academic paper.
I don't know what your argument is; however, watch out for fallacies. I definitely see one in your argument. The media contributes to the sale of alcohol, but it is The cause of drinking in this age bracket? Probably not.
Start over. Rethink your topic and thesis and post it again with your proposal.
-Candace